a girl and her dog

In the back of you head you always know that your time is limited and that in the end you will hurt like hell, but all that is quieted at the smell of puppy breath.

Today almost a week after his embolism, causing paralysis in his lower extremities, we have made the most difficult decision to release Samson from this pain.

Thinking about the time Samson and I shared together over the 5 past years are truly spectacular. My little boy has seen me through college, several boyfriends, my 21st birthday and finally a big move away from home. I remember the day we rescued him in October 2007, he was supposed to be a cockapoo and had ears softer than velvet. I wasn't sure what I was going to name him, but I couldn't get  Regina Spektor song 'Samson' out of my head and it just felt kind of perfect. While he took on a lot of nicknames over the years, Sam, Sammy, Monkey, Boobers, he will always be Samson to me and I will always sing his name in my head just like in the song.

As much as I want to write out a tribute to him with all of my favorite memories I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. It feels a little too real. These photos are from 2 weeks ago, the last time I saw him.

I'll leave this on a funny note. One of Samson's oddest tricks, his super sensitive face that contorts when tickled. 

condo: 8 more days

Let me just tell you, the amazing giddy feeling of buying a condo ends exactly 24 hours after you sign your name on the dotted line. All of a sudden you have a laundry list bigger than you following you around. I mean, painting, packing, movers, installations, buying appliances, making necessary updates to the condo, it never fucking ends.

For me the hardest part has been the painting hands down. At first I naively said, girl power! I can paint! Which is accurate in the sense that I have working limbs, but no education on painting. I was invigorated to getting all 'hands on' in my place and feel an incredible sense of accomplishment. So, over $200 later I had my colors, some tarp, brushes and rollers.

Quickly I found out that I was well in over my head and was making absolutely no progress. Soon after this sunk in I cried my eyes out and tried figuring out what my next step was. I turned to my ladies, Brooke and Melody, for help. They quickly accepted the invitation and I were beyond grateful. However, banking on two other non professional painters to save a painting predicament probably wasn't the best plan.

Saturday we spent a full day painting every room until we ran out of paint. We learned a lot about ourselves. Brooke is an insanely fast painter with a roller and Melody prefers to zen out with a brush on some trim and has the cutest plumbers crack.

With still an endless amount of unpainted surfaces glaring back at me I decided to suck up my pride and hand over some money. Now, word to the wise just like with most things if you are a single woman you will be completely taken advantage of when it comes down to getting painting estimates. Be prepared with multiple estimates to try and keep them honest or have a more knowledgeable friend present or just simply fake it till you make it, they can smell your uncertainty.

For me the guy could tell I had no idea what I was doing and desperately in over my head (all of the partially painted walls were a dead giveaway). He quickly factored in some of his special additional costs: ____single, ____young, ____unknowledgeable and I believe he thought ____ typical Dallas trust fund kid. Finally 2 days later with my time running out I get an email saying he will charge me $2,050 to paint (that's only labor cost, no paint included). I initially cursed this little smug asshole at the thought of paying almost the same amount as my down payment to paint my condo and cried again.

(No one tells you how much owning a condo will lead you to tears.)

Now, this story has a happy ending (I think, but we are still in the works so I hate to jinx it) I was able to connect with our building contractor man who loves to talk and has a heart of gold. He was disgusted by the estimate I received and laughed about what a horrible paint job I did and took up my offer to pay him to help me finish painting before I move in on 1/26. At last, for only $500 I finally have some piece of mind.

Moral of this story kids, when you buy a condo just remember it takes a lot more money than just your down payment to move in. Also, don't let assholes take advantage of you!

Now, back to packing...

condo: I fucking own this.

I never ever (which doesn't say a lot since I post once in a blue moon) post from my phone spontaneously. However, new year, new condo, new rules.

It is officially mine. Since 12:30PM today January 11,2013.

I now type this from my phone because I literally have nothing in this place. Other than champaign, takis, spotify and my own person.

I wish I could describe the euphoric feeling one gets after closing on a property, but you truly need to feel it to believe it.

On that note, I'm going to get drunk on my hardwood floors and dance around a little.

condo: countdown edition

I am days away from closing on the condo and I cannot wait, I mean CANNOT wait. In the mean time I have devoted way too much time on Pinterest planning out the decor for my new place. It has been so much fun knowing that anything I want to do is on the table since I own it. Alone.

Cue the Spice Girls music.

Here is a quick glimpse inside my mind...

Design Seed is an incredible blog for all things color, that's where I snagged this!

I really love grey + peach tones for the fact that it allows me to be a tiny bit girly without making me want to barf. I am thinking of the second grey for the main living areas since it is a larger open room with a lot of great natural light. I am imagining a lot of crisp white for curtains and baseboards.

Even though my bathroom is a bit on the smaller side I wanted to opt for the darker grey to contrast against all of my brand new crisp white tile work. I also am really lucky that the granite in the bathroom is a light peach tone as well to carry over the color.

Finally, my more bold move was the light peach for the bedroom. I am not too worried about this looking too ultra feminine since my headboard is a nice dark grey suede with rivets and my side table are a darker mirrored surface.  Again, it all really falls within the grey + peach tones.

The other plus to this color palette is it really lends well to my favorite color in the whole world- gold.

Deep breath.

Just two more days.

condo: update

the condo timeline:

• 12/3 I decided I may want to buy a condo
• 12/4 chatted with Phillip, realtor friend, over tacos about the process
• 12/5 began process of loan approval
• 12/6 became approved for loan
• 12/7 placed an offer 
• 12/8 they countered 
• 12/8 I countered, again
• 12/10 they accepted!

Now I am onto the fun part, inspections, warranties, insurance and handing over big fat checks. On the brighter side I now get to fill a secret Pinterest board with all of my furniture and decor dreams! Here are a few shots:

-the top three windows are my unit-

-living room view from the dining room-

-living room-

-dining room & kitchen-

  

-peek at the kitchen-

I can't sleep. The I'm buying a condo edition.

To say that this week has been full of HUGE adult themed news would be an understatement. This week has  been full of LIFE CHANGING adult themed news, and I'm beyond thrilled to report it is all wildly  positive.
While mums the word on half of the news, the one piece I can openly speak about is that I will officially be crossing over from semi-adult to full fledged pre approved to buy a condo adult. This blows my mind so much that, even though I'm exhausted physically and emotionally, I cannot for the life of me shut my brain off and sleep. Images of rugs, sofas and wall decor are dancing in my head.
In less than a week I straight up decided I was fed up with paying over paying for a rental and throwing away my modest, but hard earned cash. I received a letter that my current lease would be going up to $1,040 in February, which caused me to shout many expletives at the uptown community. Side note: the only reason I love living in uptown is simply...  Stay where the rich whities stay and you get amazing granite counters, secure garage parking, elevators and amenities you'll never use. However, be warned  you pay the price of living with many a douche. Any who, after the final $1,040 straw that broke this camel's back I decided to give my middle finger to my first and only home ever and take my hard earned money elsewhere. If you've ever tried apartment hunting in Dallas then I am sure you have also had your fair share of suicidal thoughts. God bless.
At last, not sure how or why (I think it was when I grabbed a bottle of vitamins and thought about taking the whole bottle in hopes of ending it all), but I found myself saying "you should buy a condo" followed by "how the hell do you do that?".
I'll tell you how:
1. Go to a friend's 'coming out as a realtor' party purely for the people and free booze
2. Wind up at a gay strip club after said party (doesn't help it happen faster, it's just a damn good time)
3. Call up realtor friend and say "how do I do this" and poof! before you even know it 1 day later you're getting pre approved on a CRA (community redevelopment act) loan and 2 days later walking into the apartment you will put an offer on the following day.

Shit. Just. Got. Real.

(By the way, my thought process on writing this all down in the hopes of getting sleepy totally backfired, I am even more awake now. )

the first sad post (apologies in advance)

I suppose I can't have a blog of just drinking, music and all around good fun without the inevitable depressing post. However, I wish it was about something mundane like me gaining a few pounds or cutting myself out of my skirt alone (that's another story for another day). Unfortunately, this is about something I will never forget and a story from my past that has come back to me with vengeance.

Monday night after a long day of typical work I was ready to head over to my dad's for some r&r and dinner. Since my dad has moved by White Rock Lake I cannot seem to find the best route to get there straight from work, believe me I have tried EVERYTHING. This faithful Monday I decided to try my last route I had left untracked.

On my way north up Garland I was in the far left lane just behind an older black Camaro who was on the far right, leaving the middle lane open. Soon after hitting our top speed for the road, about 35-40 mph, I see coming from the right side of my vision a poor dog skidding and sliding across the middle lane and moving forward into my lane at a fast speed. The Camaro had hit the dog right in the side sending him sailing across the road. This poor little baby was on right side with his head curled up to protect it from the rough asphalt scrapping underneath his body. Finally he came to a stop right between the middle lane and the far left lane I was in.

Without skipping a beat I stopped my car, threw it into park and flung my door open. Luckily all other traffic had stopped allowing me to rush out to check on this poor dog. He was a larger dog, definitely a mutt of some sort- my best guess would be part red healer. He was shaking and whimpering, but miraculously still alive. Calmly I started petting him and telling him he was ok and a good boy until a fellow passerby came to help me carry him off to the median out of the traffic and onto the grass. By this point he was only breathing shallow and bleeding heavily out of his nose and mouth.

I continued to pet and speak gently to the poor dog and try and soothe him as best as I can when his owner came. I cannot begin to tell you the hurt I felt for him standing over me and his dog with his leash in his hand. He was absolutely shell shocked and had a tear in his eye. I finally told him to quickly run and get his car to take him to the vet while I stayed with his dog. From the time he left to came back it felt like an eternity. Once the man returned we carried his dog into the car and we both drove away, and I instantly broke down.

It's no surprise if you know me that I am an insane animal lover, especially puppers. All night and into the next day I was sick to my stomach and crying on and off. Eventually the visions of seeing that poor helpless dog slide across the asphalt and lay in a pool of blood brought back some really dark memories from July 29, 2007, the day after my 19th birthday, when Arielle, Alyssa and I found a man who attempted suicide by jumping in front of a semi in the middle of I-10 back in El Paso. That event in my life has taken years to wrap my head around and repress any flashbacks and this brought them flooding back.

Even today I am juggling with the emotions from both events and find that I am much more upset by the dog. I know I sound like a horrible human being, but in the end of the day a puppy is so innocent and doesn't understand what they are doing and why they are hurting. When that young man jumped in front of that semi he made that choice, even though I do feel so terribly sorry for the pain that drove him to do that. Today I still have a little bit of anger towards him for doing what he did and effecting so many innocent people, especially that poor semi-driver. In the end of the day both ended roughly the same way; I found myself at these scenes with a calm demeanor and tried to do what best I could to help and left not knowing the outcome of either victim.

Again, sorry for the huge downer.

If you're interested you can read my livejournal post from that night on July 29, 2007.